I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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