another moral hangover. fuck.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
