so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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