i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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