i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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