I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
