ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I touched a dick in church today
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm both gender and math confused
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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