I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize