he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
