Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
