I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize