We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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