a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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