she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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