Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you would pick up someone in the library
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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