I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
