He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
