Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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