I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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