hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I currently don't understand fingers.
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