OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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