cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
