I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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