awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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