You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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