nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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