I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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