Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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