The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
