I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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