my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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