I need help removing her.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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