Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
