he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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