a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize