discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
