is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
