Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
