when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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