I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
