If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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