Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
