Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
