i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
