he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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