He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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