There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
