You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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