yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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