Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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