get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
