i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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