Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
