i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
