you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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